Bowenism

On living with my ex

2011-01-06T08:24:00.001-08:00

Yes, you read that right! I live with my ex-husband, a wonderful man who is not only my ex-husband but my best friend.

Now, some people say that it's impossible to live with an ex without some hanky panky going on, but I can proudly state that there hasn't been any funny business between us since 2001. We're simply good friends.

Why do I live with my ex? Well, back in 2009, when my current husband (and ex-to-be, or X2B) kicked me out, Mark was kind enough to take me in. My other option was living with my parents in their retirement community in Bernalillo, and I sure as heck didn't want that!

Mark and I have been close friends since we divorced in 2002. During our divorce we made a pact to look out for each other; that is, he would represent my interests and I would represent his. The idea was so radical that I actually had an author approach me for a book she was writing on amicable divorce! We did it this way to not only protect our son, but because we still loved each other--just not as a husband and wife should.

Over the years our relationship has only strengthened. We support each other during times of stress, comfort each other during break-ups, congratulate each others' accomplishments, and co-parent two little boys.

The co-parenting has been a blessing. My second marriage (although I don't really count a drunken Vegas fiasco as a true marriage! lol) resulted in the birth of a very special little boy, Gabriel, in 2005. Mark immediately fell in love with my little fatherless boy, and somehow their relationship evolved into that of father and son. So Mark is not only the father of one of my little boys, but both of them! Even though he is not their biological father, he is their father in spirit and heart, and both of those matter more than any biological factor possibly could.

So how do we accomplish living with each other? Isn't it awkward and uncomfortable? Not at all! Like I said, he's my best friend. Our friendship of ten years has been stronger than our intimate relationship ever was. I don't really see him as someone I was in love with, or who I once slept with. I see him as Mark, my best friend and confidante. Mark, whose messes drive me nuts and who puts up (kind of) with my plethora of animals.

We live at opposite ends of the house, and we spend most of our time in our respective rooms. It gives us space. The boys tend to hang out in the living room, kitchen, and work-out room, which are between the bedrooms. They migrate back and forth between our bedrooms as their needs dictate. Homework, playing, fighting (!), work-outs, and family time take place in this common area. Mark and I actually don't even see each other all that often, if you can believe it!

And how does dating work, you ask? Well, that's a bugger! Women flat-out don't understand our relationship. It doesn't matter to them that we are only friends, they just see the potential for SEX. Apparently they don't believe it's possible for a man and a woman to be just friends, let alone be purely roommates.

Men are a heck of a lot more understanding. In fact, since I've been dating again (on and off over the past several months), I have only met one person for whom it has been an issue. Unfortunately, he was an incredible man with whom I shared an instant connection. It was so difficult hearing that he wouldn't date me anymore.

As my friends have pointed out, though, if a man can't even make an effort to understand this truly unique situation, he isn't the right man for me. Someone even suggested that a "real" man wouldn't have just walked away. And you know what? They're right. Whoever I end up spending my life with needs to accept the special relationship I have with my best friend, coparent, and ex-husband. He's been a constant in my life for the past ten years, and because of our children, that's not going to change.

If you have any questions or comments, or if you're living this way, too, I'd love to hear from you!

Hello again!

2011-01-06T08:07:00.001-08:00

The past year has brought about big changes in my life; some of them good, some of them disappointing.

I opened my own business, called The House Call Groomer, in July, and slowly but surely I am earning new regular customers. House call grooming is basically a form of mobile grooming where the groomer sets up "shop" in your home. It's definitely less stressful for your pet and hopefully more convenient for you! If you're interested in house call grooming, see if there's a groomer in your area that offers this.

After being separated for a year and a half (and with an impending divorce) I felt ready to start dating again. It has been quite an experience! For the most part, the men are very kind, and I have met some very interesting people. My roommate has proven to be a detriment, however, in this area. It seems like the older the man the more comfortable he is with the fact that I rent a room from my ex-husband of 10 years, Mark. I had the misfortune to meet a very special man, someone who I really connected with, who was decidedly NOT comfortable with my rooming situation, though. My heart was left slightly bruised from this. Ah, well, life goes on.

Christmas was wonderful this year. My business was running along smoothly and I had some new wonderful friends to celebrate with. Beth, PJ, and Marissa have been fantastic! Beth's kind nature has been so appreciated, and I am thankful for her friendship every day.

My children are happy and healthy. I'm doing karaoke a few times a week, dating up a storm, and seeing my friends as often as possible. My business is slowly building itself to the point where it will be self-sustaining. In all, life is very good for me at this point in time.

So how are things going on the Etsy front? Slow but steady! I haven't had time to crochet as often, and this year's breaking down of the washing machine definitely put a wrench in the works, but now I'm trying to get production back up. Christmas was a little slow, as I didn't have much product out there, but hopefully Valentine's Day will show an increase in sales. And even if it doesn't, I love making my little bowls!

A ho-hum day

2010-03-05T14:41:00.001-08:00

Today was my day to work at the Farmer's Insurance agency where I am a bookkeeper. It's not my favorite job, but at least it provides a somewhat steady paycheck. It feels a little demeaning sometimes, knowing I have an MBA and yet I'm doing bookkeeping, filing, copying, and faxing. Eventually I will be a Farmer's agent, but not for a few weeks yet. I wonder what joys that will bring....

Tomorrow is grooming day again, and I can't wait! Apparently lots of little dogs, which are so much easier to do than big dogs. Well, sometimes they are, if they're used to be groomed.

Sales are still good in my shop, although they've slowed down somewhat. Not really sure why, but it looks like felted bowls in general aren't being made with as much frequency. I usually love looking at everyone else's felted bowls, but lately very few new things are being posted. I just posted my first orange bowl--and then realized that my photos of it SUCK. LOL Oh, well, hopefully someone will see the charm in this great bowl.....

The evil eBayer!

2010-03-03T19:45:00.000-08:00

I have finally had my first negative eBay experienced. After years and dozens of purchases, the Evil eBayer has struck!

After committing to purchase an item from this person, I accidentally double-clicked the PayPal "pay" button, sending $122.36 TWICE. The seller immediately promised to refund my money, but here it is, 11 days later, and nothing. My last communication from her was three days ago, when she promised yet again to send money.

My friend and boss at the grooming shop has had almost 100% bad experiences with Etsy sellers, which I think is truly awful. Sellers who don't hold up their end of the bargain give us HONEST sellers a bad name!

More on dog grooming

2010-02-26T17:33:00.000-08:00

One of the worst experiences in dog grooming? When a customer neglects to pick up their dog. This is happening to my boss right now. Her husband had to go to his second job, leaving my boss and her young son at the shop until 1:00 am. All because someone left their dog at the shop. The lady probably won't even tip her!

Oh, yeah, another thing--always tip your groomer unless they do a terrible job! If you tip your hairdresser, you should also tip your groomer. Groomers don't get into this business for the money. It doesn't pay well, and it can be gruelling, thankless work. So put a little sunshine in the day of someone who loves your dog almost as much as you do!

On dog grooming

2010-02-26T07:08:00.000-08:00

Most of you probably don't know this, but I am a part-time dog groomer. Yes, it's an odd profession for an accountant with an MBA, but it's definitely a huge passion of mine! I work at a small mom and pop shop here in Albuquerque called Bath Brush and Beyond (isn't that a cute name?).

I used to own my own shop and loved it, but the economy shut me down two years ago. My five-year-plan is to earn enough money to open another grooming shop.

Grooming is a profession that requires patience, compassion, skill, training, and a bit of artistic flair. A lot of folks don't realize how much work goes into grooming a dog. Many dogs are very good on the table, but I get my fair share of dogs who don't want their legs shaved, dogs that pee on the table (and sometimes me!), dogs that are horribly matted because they don't get brushed daily, and dogs that just plain don't want to be groomed--these are the ones that often bite. Can you imagine trying to give a haircut to someone with terribly tangled hair who is trashing around trying to bite you? LOL It can definitely be challenging!

I was thinking this morning of breeds I don't enjoy grooming. Maybe that's a negative slant on things, but I honestly do love most breeds. The ones I don't particularly like are German shepherds (they are VERY nervous and difficult to wash and dry), Pekingnese (tend to bite a lot), labs (they aggravate my allergies way too much), and Pomeranians (just because when you cut their coats short it's very difficult to get a smooth look). My boss hates doing cocker spaniels, but I love them. I also don't do Bichons, but only because my scissoring technique hasn't progressed to the point where I can give a good haircut.

My favorite breeds to groom are Golden retrievers, cocker spaniels, shih-tzus, and miniature poodles. There's just something so satisfying about giving a poodle a good clean face with a sweet topknot above. 8)

Well, that's my spiel on grooming for now. I'm sure I'll have more to say in days to come!

It's been a while!

2010-01-29T10:08:00.000-08:00

I haven't been blogging at all lately, too much going on. Right now I am still working as a dog groomer but also working at a Farmer's Insurance Agency and studying to get my insurance agent's license. It's slow and tedious, but it's coming along. So I'm working five-six days a week but still managing to crochet quite a bit.

As far as my shop goes, things have definitely picked up in the last month. For some reason, there weren't very many Christmas sales, but January has been awesome! I've finally noticed that the majority of my sales are made on weekends, which makes total sense. That's when people have time to get on Etsy to shop. I think I'm averaging about two sales a week so far, and that far surpasses my expectations. These bowls are definitely the way to go.

Next I want to learn how to needle felt. It looks like fun, and so many things can be made that way. I'd also like to upgrade the wool yarn I use. There's a great shop in Albuquerque called Village Wools that is on my list of places to visit as soon as I have the money. Maybe even next week! Hopefully they will have felting needles and I can kill two birds with one stone. Can't wait to go!

Some more sad news

2009-11-18T06:22:00.000-08:00

My husband and I are divorcing. Having a very hard time with it and turning to crochet to help me get through this. Not sure what to do about my shop name, since I won't be a Bowen anymore...

On a happier note, my sales have been up a little bit, which is really nice. I have a lot of things to post but haven't been up to photographing them. Still having trouble finding a nice area. Maybe today I'll buy a white sheet and a lamp at Goodwill. That will give me something to do to take my mind off my sorrow for a little while.

My latest creation

2009-10-23T10:17:00.000-07:00

Now I'm experimenting with embroidery on felted bowls. Eventually I'd like to learn needle felting. Some of the needle felted projects I've seen have been so lovely, and it seems like a great way to embellish felted bowls.

Still having trouble taking pictures due to lack of light in the home. Any ideas how to overcome that?

Oh, and some good news! After being separated for five months, I'm moving back in with my husband. I'm so excited about it. Tomorrow is the big day! It's so much fun packing everything up, because I know soon I'll be back with my beloved. Can't wait!

My best work yet!

2009-09-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

This trio of felted bowls is definitely the best I've made yet. It was so much fun making this set!

Emily

2009-09-15T06:17:00.000-07:00

Sad news: my beloved Boston terrier Emily passed away suddenly of natural causes on Saturday afternoon. She was a beautiful soul, a puppy mill rescue who had been badly abused when I adopted her in June 2005. Despite her rough beginnings and her already advanced age, she became a friendly, outgoing dog who loved playing with her doggy friends and cuddling with her people. She is missed.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

--Mary Elizabeth Frye

Sales!

2009-09-02T10:11:00.001-07:00

I had a few sales last week, and it was SO exciting! I guess that's how Etsy works--nothing for a few weeks, then a few sales all at once. Then nothing again.

Working out it going well, and after only 12 days, I can already see a difference! My legs are getting more defined and there's a little more room in my jeans. It's so cool. Apparently there was a study released recently that said it's harder for women to lose weight than men through exercise. How many of you out there have experienced that? I sure have! The only thing that's giving me an extra boost in the weight-loss department right now is probably the Weight Watchers frozen dinners I've been eating.

Well, I'd better get back to watching the whipper snapper. Work has been dead the last few weeks, but I might work three days this week, and it's so exciting. Even more exciting than an Etsy sale!

At the gym

2009-08-27T06:28:00.000-07:00

Today is once more my cardio day. I've been going every single day to the gym, and OMG am I sore! But at least that means the workouts are really challenging my oh-so-weak muscles. My legs are already looking better, and it's only been a few days. Soon my arms will follow, and I'll look like a spider--strong arms and legs with a big old baby-fat gut! LOL

Sales

2009-08-27T06:25:00.000-07:00

I had a couple sales yesterday, which is cool. They were low-dollar items, and with the free shipping, my profit will be about a quarter each, but that's okay. Feeling the love again in my etsy shop!

Another day at the gym

2009-08-25T07:50:00.000-07:00

This time, I did a little cardio on the treadmill and lifted weights. My first thought this morning (besides, "Oh, God, do I have to get up already???") was how sore I was! It's a great sign, though, that my muscles are growing stronger. Can't wait to get back to the gym this afternoon.

So far my free shipping offer hasn't garnered any sales in my shop, but I'm hoping today will be the day. The large bowls I've been making are gorgeous, if I do say so myself. Surely someone will appreciate them as much as I do!

If you're interested in taking a look, just click on my shop link to the right. My shop is full of all sorts of goodies, from catnip toys to grocery bag holders. I like it!

FREE SHIPPING!

2009-08-23T15:51:00.000-07:00

After a four-year hiatus, I've returned to the gym! Woo hoo! To celebrate, I decided to get rid of all shipping costs on items in my etsy shop. That's FREE SHIPPING, folks!

FOUR YEARS. Can you believe it? When I got pregnant with my youngest, I stopped going and never lost the poundage. Trust me, it's a lot harder when you're over 30 to lose baby weight. Especially when you're not really trying. I tried Weight Watchers, and lost seven pounds in three weeks, but the meetings are SO expensive to attend. It doesn't work for me without the meetings, so yours truly is now a brand-new member of Planet Fitness, which is less than half the monthly cost that Weight Watchers was. It was pretty awful the first day (i.e., today). The treadmill darned near killed me!

Now it's time to get ready for karaoke. 8) One of my favorite pasttimes (besides blogging and crocheting, that is).

Camping

2009-08-21T05:51:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my family and I did one of my favorite activities: camping! We went down to Glenwood, NM, which is at the edge of the Gila National Forest (which contains the most remote place in New Mexico). Two days of hiking were just what the doctor ordered.

What the doctor did NOT order was fire ants all over the campsite and a "friendly" skunk who shared his love all over my dogs face two nights out of three. You'd think after one skunk encounter, Misha would think, "Ah, yes, skunks BAD." But nosirree, she had to try to make friends with the resident stinker. Thank God I actually enjoy the smell of skunk. Can't say the same for the family, though.

Anyway, here is a picture of my youngest son going down one of the many rockslides on the trail to Cooney ghost town, and another of me and the boys in front of Cooney's tomb.

Bowls

2009-08-21T05:41:00.000-07:00

I had a theory that the bowls I was making are too small, so from now on it's going to be BIG bowls all over the place! My one sale this month was a dinky little one (of course I'm still grateful and pleased someone bought a catnip toy), so I need to get things going a little bit. Maybe bowls like this will do the trick!

I'm going to try to start embellishing them, too. It will be a fun foray into something I've never tried before!

A new item!

2009-08-11T10:11:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking about making one of these for a while but never got around to it. Too many other projects going on! They really are great and useful. If you don't have one, let me explain how they work: Hang on the wall in a handy place. Stuff used grocery bags in the top hole. When you need a grocery bag (for kitty litter, dog poop, lining waste baskets, etc.), simply pull one out the bottom. They last forever and give you an attractive place to store plastic bags. 8)

http://bowenism.etsy.com/

Aliens

2009-08-07T06:56:00.000-07:00

Aliens are so much fun to make! A few months ago I made an alien head toy for my Chihuahua, and she loves it. I just made an alien head catnip toy, too. Thinking of starting a line of aliens for the shop, although it doesn't really go with my ad line: "Hand-Crocheted Items for Your Home."

Little Kitty looks awfully confused by the toy, doesn't he? I woke him up by putting it there, and he had no idea what it was. He's an old cat, and although he loves catnip, he's not really into playing with toys so much anymore. Maybe I should have used a different cat...

Baby alien!

2009-08-03T12:33:00.000-07:00

I made the cutest alien doll yesterday:

Sales are down

2009-07-31T12:11:00.000-07:00

I can't figure it out! For weeks I had GREAT sales, and now nothing. It's so bizarre...

New stuff

2009-07-19T07:56:00.001-07:00

Well, after a couple hectic weeks, things are slowing down again in the Bowenism shop. The dolls I made were definitely what got things going, but after making about eight of them, I'm a little burnt out and intend to take a bit of a break.

My latest creations are bowls and washcloths. The washcloths are super soft, and have been pretty popular! One customer liked hers so much that she requested a special order of two sets (one for her and one for her sister). Thanks, kellycm!

Today is going to be a car day instead of a crocheting day. The used car I bought a couple weeks ago needs some TLC, and the plan is to meet at my husband's best friend's house to do some work on a motor mount. Betcha didn't know I could work on cars, too, did you? LOL Actually, my husband and his best friend are teaching me a little of what they know. So far I can change brakes, change oil, and install a brake line.

It looks like it's going to be a scorcher today in Albuquerque, and the A/C is broken (%$&#!!!!), so I'm glad to be going to someone else's house!

Taking off!

2009-06-26T08:50:00.001-07:00

Well, that doll was the magic item that suddenly got my shop hopping. Within an hour of posting him, he was sold and I had orders for THREE more. Plus, a wonderful woman bought one of my bowls and another bought a catnip toy. It's just so exciting! I hope I can get the dolls finished quickly. While they're pretty easy to make, it's tough when my three-year-old son is running around. As soon as the crochet hook comes out, he suddenly has an owie, is hungry, and lost his favorite toy.

Tomorrow I head to my new job as a dog groomer. I used to own my own grooming shop, but the economy forced me to close it down last year. My panic disorder is easing up enough that I'm trying to go back to work. Unfortunately, the social anxiety component is so severe that I can't really deal with PEOPLE. Luckily I have a friend who owns a grooming shop (officially, the best in Albuquerque--Bath, Brush, and Beyond). She's willing to let me work there one day a week to ease back into the work world.

One thing's for sure, though, I'll never go back to accounting again!

My first human doll!

2009-06-24T06:46:00.000-07:00

Just finished this little guy last night. He was really easy to make, but I didn't want to use buttons for his eyes, so I had to wait a week until I got to a craft store to buy felt. Isn't he adorable? My youngest son (three) insists that I made the little fellow for him, so I guess I'll have to make another one. It'll be hard to part with this one. He's been sitting on the couch without eyes for over a week, just hanging out with us while we watch TV. I'll miss him when he's gone!

Right now I'm working on another afghan for the shop, and next will be another teddy bear, since my only teddy bear was purchased a few days ago.

I love crocheting. It keeps me sane!

Washcloths

2009-06-17T11:41:00.001-07:00

They're so addictive to make! I mean, they're easy to crochet, make up pretty fast, are beautiful (all those gorgeous cotton colors!), and are really highly functional. What's not to love? I have a new set going up today as soon as I get pictures of it. Yesterday's post was also of washcloths.

I also make mini washcloths. Some Etsy folk call them scrubbies, but I haven't necessarily jumped on that bandwagon. They're basically the same thing you see at right, but only a few inches square. You use them the same way you'd use cotton facial squares: to remove makeup. A lot of people like to use them because they're reusable. You don't just toss them in the garbage where they'll end up in a landfill.

Great idea, huh?

http://bowenism.etsy.com/

Saudi Arabia

2009-06-13T12:52:00.000-07:00

I just added my first blog to follow, "Is My English Strange?" and it reminded me of home. I grew up, an expatriate American, in a large American compound, in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia. My family was there almost constantly from 1980 to 1995. Dhahran is home to me, although it's been 13 years since I smelled the oily dustiness of its hot air. I'll probably never be able to go back (the cost of a plane ticket is prohibitive), but my memories are something I work hard to keep alive.

I'm what you call a Third Culture Kid, someone raised in a foreign culture who has combined elements of their two "home" cultures. So I totally admire this blogger for learning another language and learning more about Western culture. My language in high school (a fancy-schmancy New England boarding school that I hated, thank you very much) was Russian. No, I've never been there, and, no, I never really intended to. It was just a beautiful language. You knew what they say, though, about losing it if you don't use it. So most of it is gone, despite the five years of painstaking study. Sadly, I recall very little Arabic as well.

Maybe it's all the drugs I did in high school....

It's done!

2009-06-13T12:44:00.000-07:00

Well, I FINALLY finished the green afghan at about 8:30 this morning. I woke up very early (around 6:30), before my youngest son could get up and absorb all my attention. The yarn was calling my name very softly from the living room. I tiptoed out, trying not to disturn anyone, but of course the dogs heard me and insisted on being included.

My big dilemma was whether to keep or sell the blanket, but after five week (off and on, granted) spent swathed in its dark green folds, I've decided I just can't part with it.

I did manage to post a new item today, though, a Bowenism Bowl in deep gloaming. I called the color that because it's made from two different colors of yarn: royal purple and dark teal. Not sure the pictures do it justice. It's so hard to take pictures of small, inanimate objects when you're used to photographing children and dogs!

My favorite bowl picture is of the bowl in royal purple. Something about the contrast between the soft, felted purple wool, and the hard roundness of the colorful buttons....

Green afghan

2009-06-12T09:20:00.001-07:00

Today I'm going to work on finishing my forest green afghan. Those long projects are rough--I can't seem to keep focused on them for long enough to get them done very quickly. I finished another felted bowl the other day that I need to post as well. Those bowls are so much fun to make, because the finished project is so radically different after it comes out of the washing machine! Can't wait to make more.

I spend so much time making things for other people and my Etsy shop that I don't make things for myself. That green afghan might just end up being my very own "security" blanket. Hehehehe.....

Who are we?

2009-06-10T07:58:00.000-07:00

Jim, my husband, is an IT systems specialist and part-time woodworker. So far he hasn't posted any of his creations for sale, but I'm optomistic that he will soon. He has a great idea for dog stairs. We have a little Chihuahua who can't get on the bed by herself, and he thought it would be great to build her a little set of stairs. He'd like to build a few extra sets for those of you out there who have small and/or elderly dogs with the same problem. He's got great ideas and often inspires me to try a new crochet project.

Angela (that's me!) is a stay-at-home-mom. Several months ago I developed a severe panic disorder that prevents me from working, so I do what I can from our home. It's great spending so much time with my kids (together, we have six kids and one grandkid, so they keep us pretty busy). I picked up my crochet hook back in December '08 just for something to do, and it turned out to be very therapeutic. Now I crochet every chance I get. Don't tell Jim, but I'm usually rushing around the house an hour before he comes home, trying to complete chores shirked in favor of crocheting!

We are big believers in community involvement. Jim has two children with disabilities, so we donate fun items to UNM Children's Hospital for the kids there to make their stays less scary. We recently participated in the Ride for Kids, an annual nationwide bike run the benefit the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation. It was great!

Anyway, here's a picture of us from the run. 8) Have a good day!

Hello!

2009-06-10T07:54:00.000-07:00

This is the first blog entry for Bowenism's Odds and Ends. Bowenism's Odds and Ends is the Etsy shop of Angela (me) and Jim (my wonderful husband).

Bowenism's Odds and Ends offers crocheted items for the home, plus a few other things, like photographs of the beautiful state of New Mexico, where we live.

Stay tuned for entries on projects we're working on!